Obliviate
by SusanMcMovies
Summary: After seeing her best friends die at the final battle, Hermione runs away trying to escape the pain. She contemplates what she has been through and takes a long and strange path to find her way home.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Obliviate. It's a memory charm. There's no controlling how much it erases, but generally it's anything and everything. It also commonly backfires. A professor of mine apparently used it frequently, until he used a faulty wand that made the spell strike him instead. This isn't a spell to use lightly. I however, have used it often. The only backfire it has caused me is pain. Emotional pain.

I'm Hermione. I would share my last name, but the people who gave it to me don't even know I exist.

I first used that charm on my own parents. It destroyed me to do it, but I hoped it would save them. I wiped my parent's memories not only to give them peace and spare them from worrying about me, but also to protect them. If the other side had found them, they would have tortured them, most likely to death. My memory wipe might not stop the death eaters from finding them, but they might possibly realize what I'd done to my parents' memories. My parents might be left alone. I realize now that was probably a fruitless dream.

Instead of going on to do my final year at Hogwarts, I went on the run with Harry and Ron. Harry wanted to leave us out of it, but Ron and I refused to let him go alone. I wanted to help him in any way I could. And once the ministry started targeting muggle-borns, Harry accepted that I wasn't any safer staying away from him.

After using the memory spell on my parents, I had no desire to ever use the charm again. I soon learned that it might be a useful spell to have in my arsenal, considering the trouble Harry, Ron, and I got into. I next used it on two death eaters who tailed us after our escape from Bill's wedding. I still hated doing it. Not because the two men didn't deserve it or because it was unnecessary. But because wielding that threatening power scared me. It hurt me too.

Harry, Ron, and I traveled constantly the year we were on the run. Ron ended up leaving us for a few months. At the time I thought that was the worst time of my life. I didn't foresee what I'm experiencing now. Not entirely anyway.

On the night of the final battle we all admitted to something we didn't want to face. Harry was one of the horcruxes we'd been hunting all year. In order to destroy that part of you-know-who's soul, Harry would have to die.

But he didn't. By some miraculous circumstance, Voldemort's use of the killing curse didn't work. Harry had survived it again.

When it was revealed that Harry was still alive after he'd been presumed dead, the battle had continued. While both sides fought fiercely, Ron and I fought Nagini. She dominated the fight, even with Neville stepping in. Neville did end up destroying her. But she destroyed one of us first.

Ron and I fell to the ground; we were destined to be struck by the snake. She was heading toward us. I held on to him as tight as I could, he made efforts to shield me. We knew we were doomed. Neville struck with the sword of Gryffindor, and decapitated her. But not before she sunk her teeth into Ron's arm, and filled him with her poison.

Neville stood over us and the dead serpent. He looked as if he wanted to help us, but he couldn't. I stayed in Ron's trembling arms. He tried to speak, but he was growing weaker by the second. He died in my arms, before I could say I loved him.

I couldn't move, I didn't want to leave him. But from our spot near the front doors of the castle, I saw Harry battling Voldemort in the courtyard. I could see the killing curse exude from Voldemort's wand. The green jets of light hit them both. Voldemort seemed to disintegrate. Harry fell to the ground, unmoving. I was sure he was no more.

Somehow through no conscious attempt, I disapparated. The Hogwarts protections weren't able to contain me. I appeared in my old bedroom at my parents' house with the echo of my name in my ears. Someone hadn't wanted me to leave.

*This story was originally going to be a one shot, but I wasn't sure how long was too long, so I split it into 4 chapters. But I do have a tendency to think my chapters are too long when really they aren't that lengthy once they are in web format. I hope you like the rest of my story. –DD *


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I ended up staying there for a night. Despite being uninhabited, my parents still owned the house. I didn't know where they were, but all our belongings were still here. Even mine. I hadn't bothered to clear it like I had with all of the other memories of me that had been here. I wondered what they'd made of it. Had they thought it was their guest room?

It both hurt and felt good to be home again. I made sure not to be seen by neighbors and passersby. But the next morning I was rushed out. A voice called out to my father and woke me. I apparated the moment I had a hold of my bag.

I went to the first place I thought of. Conveniently I'd been dreaming about it before I woke up. Scotland. I wasn't sure where in the country I was. But I knew I'd seen the hillside in a book. From there I found shelter. And I never stayed anywhere too long, just like I did when I was with…them.

I traveled many places, all of which I'd seen in books. Despite being on the run, the only hunt I was on was for happiness. Why I was on the run though, I didn't know. I had no idea what state the wizarding world was in. With Voldemort dead, did that mean we were victorious? Was the war still on? I knew that I shouldn't have left when I did. But I honestly didn't intend to. It just happened. Part of me wanted to escape.

I considered going back. What more did I have to loose? I'd already lost Ron, Harry, and my parents; I couldn't name any risk I'd be making. I didn't really care if I was killed or detained.

But then I thought of Molly. She'd lost two of her sons that night. She might hate me for not protecting Ron when Nagini had been coming for us. Did the Weasley family want anything to do with me? I could apparate into their cornfield, and spy on them at their home. Would I get anything out of that? Would revealing myself make them happy, or would they hate me for it? I didn't like not knowing what to expect. And I didn't want to think the worst in them.

I chose not to go to them. I wanted to, but I really wasn't brave enough. Some Gryffindor I was.

I continued to travel. All that I was able to find out about the wizarding world was that things weren't the best, but they were getting better. No news about how our world was handling Harry's death or if any of the other Weasleys had died. Our side did seem to have control again though. But I still didn't go back.

With the knowledge I had, I started to feel safer. One night I went to a tavern. I never spent money if I could avoid it, but I promised myself I'd just have one drink. I sat at the end of the bar, I didn't try to socialize. A few men gave me considering looks, but I'm sure they could tell I wasn't interested. But one man in the room decided to give me a try. He came from behind, I wasn't expecting him.

"Mind if I sit here?" he asked.

"Sure," I said. The word felt strange coming out of my mouth. Since I'd been on my own, I had rarely spoken aloud. I looked at him and I almost fell from my stool. He had striking red hair.

"Are you alright?" he asked, trying to give me a hand.

"I'm…fine," I stammered.

"Maybe you ought to switch to water," he suggested. He turned to the barkeep and ordered a glass of water. "Here," he said, pushing it toward me.

"Thank you," I squeaked. This man's face was nothing like Ron's. He had a british accent, but it was completely different. Other than his hair, he was nothing like the boy I loved. But his hair had awoken a feeling in me I'd been trying to fight back. I missed Ron.

The man revealed his name to be Eric. When he'd asked for my name, I lied and said it was Penelope. I'd used the name before, this time it probably wouldn't have as big of a consequence. I could have told him my real name but in my nervousness I had decided not to. He was a muggle as far as I could tell; it probably would have been safe. But I still chose not to.

He tried to strike up a conversation with me. I didn't contribute at first, but I slowly warmed up to him. Once he realized I hadn't been drunk, he bought me some more drinks. The way I'd been feeling, I welcomed it. But after a while, the careful façade I'd been using started to falter. I ended up sleeping with him, something I'd never done before. The entire time, I was thinking of Ron.

As he lay asleep in the bed in the room above the tavern we'd rented, I got ready to leave. I'd never had any intention of doing what we'd done. It wasn't like me at all. I shouldn't have had all those drinks. I shouldn't have gone to the tavern at all. I'd risked a lot by doing it. I'd been completely foolish.

As I was about to leave, I remembered there was a way to make sure I didn't have to reap the punishment for this risk I had taken. There was a charm that could make this all go away. He deserved better, but I didn't want him to remember me.

"Obliviate," I whispered, my wand the only illumination in the dark.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I apparated back to the shelter I'd used the previous night. I went to sleep and dreamt of Ron. I also dreamt about Harry, and my friends and family that I missed. I'd been on the run for months now and I still hadn't been brave enough to reveal myself to the wizarding world. I might have lost 4 of the most important people in my life, but there were still other people I cared about who were still out there.

I awoke the next morning with a change of heart. I wanted people to know of me. If the wizarding world was safe for muggle borns again, then I would try to be noticed.

I apparated into an empty alley near the Leaky Caldron. I got onto the main street, entered the pub, and went out the back door to the brick wall. It took a few tries but I remembered the pattern to tap on the bricks. I entered Diagon Alley, and walked among the largest group of witches and wizards that I'd been around in a very long time.

No one seemed to notice me. I took that as a good sign. If the ministry was still after muggle borns, someone would have come forth by now. If no one noticed me walking around, then I would try going to Gringotts. The wizard bank was very secure. If I was still an undesirable, admitting my name would cause a stir. If it didn't, then I'd know I was safe.

I walked past the robe shops and Olivanders. Someone else was at the front desk. I wondered if Olivander had ever returned. Without realizing it, I stood across the street from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. When I realized where I was I suddenly wanted to go back into hiding. Someone in there would definitely recognize me. But I was frozen where I stood. I wanted to see someone I knew. I didn't need to speak to them; I just needed to see them.

I saw Dean, I saw Terry Boot, and I even saw Eloise Midgeon. It made me happy to see them. I was okay with them not seeing me. I knew that would probably be more than I could handle. But my ability to be invisible only lasted until I saw two people I knew better. Ginny and George. Ginny was on a far wall stocking items. It looked like she'd taken Fred's place. George was showing a customer some product. He seemed friendly and joyful, but I knew him well enough to know that he wasn't his old self. Loosing his brothers had hurt him probably more than it hurt me. When the customer had walked away, I saw George look around his shop. I could somehow tell he was thinking about Fred.

But his roving eyes finally met the window. He was staring right at me. Even from across the street, he knew it was me. I wobbled where I stood. I wanted to run away and also run to him. He also seemed to have indecision. We kept eye contact, both of us not knowing how to react. He stepped forward, like he was planning to come near me, which made my heart skip a beat. I myself started to step back. He immediately knew I was going to run.

I'd been focused on him the whole time; I didn't realize Ginny joining him at the window. When I saw both of their eyes on me, I ran.

"NO!" I could hear Ginny yell. The windows and door of the shop had been open. I soon heard footsteps behind me. Just one set it seemed. It was Ginny. "Comeback!" she yelled. The sound of her voice made me want to stop, but I only slightly lost my footing, and I ran faster. She chased me a little longer down the deserted street. She tried to use the body-binding jinx on me and missed. She fired more spells. Finally one hit me from behind. "Stupefy!" Ginny yelled. I immediately fell to the ground.

I awoke on something softer than the stone sidewalk I'd fallen on. It was a couch. I looked around and decided it was an office. I started to sit up when a hand pulled me back down in a laying position.

"You are not moving," I heard Ginny's voice from behind me. "Until you tell me what the ruddy you've been doing all these months. Why'd you leave?" She came around to face me; her face was red with anger. But her eyes told me she was glad to have found me.

"Where's George?" I asked. I wasn't ready to answer her.

"He's running the shop," she told me. "Where have you been?"

"Around," I said. "Everywhere."

"Why'd you leave?" she asked.

"I didn't mean to," I honestly said. "Somehow after loosing Ron and Harry, I couldn't stay."

"What do you mean lost Harry?" Ginny asked puzzled. I mirrored her puzzled expression. I didn't understand how she was confused. But then I heard someone apparate into the hallway, and then step into the doorway.

It was Harry.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It seemed that Harry had merely passed out because of the energy it had taken to kill Voldemort. Since I had apparated soon after he'd fallen, I never saw him get back up. I'd been on the run all these months for no reason. Harry had laughed at me and said that I should give him more credit. I know Ron would have laughed too, and commented on my lack of trust.

I reunited with the rest of the Weasleys' and moved in. Molly scolded me for leaving, but welcomed me back. I shared a room with Ginny. Harry was living in Ron's room. He had moved in with them because he wanted to be there for the Weasley's' after their loss. He also had been spending time helping Andromeda Tonks raising Teddy. He said he was taking his role of godfather seriously. Once I'd been back a few weeks, Molly ended up surprising me with something.

"There are people to see you, dear," she told me.

"Who?" I asked. I'd been reading in the living room when she'd come to me.

"Come outside," she told me.

I followed her and from the door and I could see 4 people. Two were in doctor's robes from St Mungo's. The other two, were my parents. I froze on the spot.

"Keep going," Molly said. She ended up having to push me forward. I slowly walked toward them, that desire to run was back. Molly stopped me just a few feet from them.

We all stood in silence. Molly tried to mind her own business on the sidelines. The doctor's whispered encouragingly to my parents. They looked at me and I sheepishly looked back. I knew Molly had had St. Mungo's track my parents down. The hospital did have a wing that specialized in people who'd lost their memories. But there was no way they'd remember me. But I thought I might as well take a chance. They were here after all.

"Mom?" I said. "Dad?" Something seemed to ripple through both of them. My father stared wide-eyed at me like something had occurred to him. My mother looked like she was working something over in her head. But then both of their faces were blank again.

"I told you they weren't ready yet, Mrs. Weasley," one of the doctor's said.

"It was worth a try," Mrs. Weasley told them, rubbing my shoulder. The doctors both looked at me, one of them looked like he felt bad for me.

"We'll keep trying, miss," the other one said. "But we've yet to have anyone entirely regain their memory."

"I know," I said to them. But no level of understanding could relieve my pain. The St. Mungo's doctors led my parents away. There was a car in the drive. Not only did they not remember me, they had no idea of the magical world's existence. They had a long way to go. I turned and went back inside. I saw Harry sitting at the kitchen table reading over a letter.

"I can't believe this," Harry said, not looking up from the letter.

"What?" I asked him in a broken voice.

"I just got a job at the ministry," he told me.

"That's great!" I responded more cheerfully this time. I was happy for him. I know he'd really been hoping for an auror position. There were still death eaters out there to capture.

"Looks like you got a letter too," Harry told me. He tossed another envelope toward my side of the table. I reached for it tentatively, and after taking a deep breath, I opened it.

The ministry offered me a job in magical law enforcement. They'd been intrigued by my experience with the memory charm. But after what I'd been through I didn't want to use it ever again. I got a desk job with them, along with working in the Department for the regulation and control of magical creatures. I would have loved to go back to Hogwarts to complete my 7th year, but I knew I'd learned more in the last year and a half than I'd ever learn there.

I'd become a more powerful witch, learned the pain of extreme loss, and now Harry and the Weasleys' were helping me move on. I still missed Ron and my parents, I always would. But I know they'd want me to be happy. I did want to be happy. I promised myself I would be one day.

*Hope you enjoyed reading, be sure to check out my other stories. –DD *


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